PYIR SportsCenter

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all in ESPN SportsNation land,
There’s a violent stir a coming, millions times more than a band.

Protesters of the BCS and Big 12 decisions are still in their square
In Austin, Gainesville and just about everywhere.

They would want nothing more than to break pollsters’ necks,
But looming attempted murder charges being filed, why heck!

The #2 spot for the Sooners was obviously superficial crap,
As the 2008 Big 12 title already sits in their lap.

The rankings should that the Texas Longhorns were screwed,
But no one in the BCS is being interiewed and being stewed.

Bradford stole the Heisman, Tebow is blue with shame.
Nothing would make America feel better than Florida proving OK’s lame.

The Gators and Longhorns are not what makes sports news slow,
But the Sooners, which no one likes. So?

When, what to my wandering eyes I see in the sky,
Santa Claus’ sleigh with the Gators’ flag flying high.

“On Tebow and his most wonderful clan!
I may live in the North Pole, but I’m Florida’s biggest fan!

“Knock the Big 12 silly and down the polls,
Oklahoma will choke on the biggest of bowls!

“Now off to the FedEx Bowl and show you can win it all!
Now bash away, bash away, bash away all!”

He left this advice to the Gators with care,
So that the Gators’ national title victory the world they will share.

And as he leaves downtown Gainesville with his sleigh, and his fellow fans he can relate,
He says, “Good night, UFlorida, and I’ll be watching you on January 8!”

From:Great.GrandfatherBuck@DeerSpeak.com
To: The Herd
Subject: Humans’ Hunting Season
Status: Most Important

Greetings to all my little bucks and does,

   What the human hunters call deer rifle season is underway, and I want to urge you all to heed the warnings and survival tips that I’ve been sending out on the e-list for the past several weeks: I haven’t been doing it just for the health of my antlers.

   Most of us have made it through muzzleloader and the portion, so far, of archery season. We’ve lost some mighty nice bucks, though, and I’m not juat talking about the type my stock portfolio has been losing like water coming from a busted dam.

   The ‘Ace of Spades’ was taken, that 23 point buck taken in one of those ‘controlled hunts’ at McAAP. It’s controlled, all right, controlled by the humans! He never had a chance to shoot back!

   Over in Latimer County, there was the monster buck that had a ‘hog-dressed’ check-in weight of 192 pounds. ‘Hog-dressed’? Why do these humans compound insult upon insult by comparing us to swine? Nor do we go around dressing ourselves in pork-like clothing..hmph.

   I’ve been liking the weather.. crisp and cool, with lots of dry leaves. That should help us deer hear any humans approaching on foot walking through them, and also if they accidentally crunch or brush some in their stands.

   It’s going to be one of those long, 16-day deer gun seasons they have here in Oklahoma. There will likely be tens of thousands of them out here, and even when we get away, there’s likely to be no peace and quiet until after the first of the year!

   Thank you to those who’ve e-mailed asking about my health. I’ve been hunted a few times myself this season, but managed to evade them so far, and get a couple of them turned around as to where they were.

   Also, if you hear some wierd ringing or country or pop music start up, it’s one of their cell phones. Some hunters are bound to acidentally leave their’s on, so take the ‘ringing’ as a warning, and get out of there!

   I don’t yet know how effective our pilot project of hiring that telemarketing firm will be. They are supposed to research and call cell phones of hunters during hunting hours, in hopes of disrupting their hunts.

   They gave me a sample call the other day, but I couldn’t hardly make out what they were saying.

   Sometimes it’s not just the moment of startling that helps us: it’s in throwing off their ‘mood’, so maybe they’ll just go back to their ‘deer camp’, another term I don’t like!

   And, surely somehwere this ’season’ some of the hunters will be heard grunting or even getting much louder while in the treestands, because the coffee they just sipped is much hotter than they expected! Serves them right!

   In closing, I hope that, like me, you have a safe water source, and a few weeks supply of acorns, so you don’t have to go out to dine or get a drink. This is definitely the season for deer to stay away from those watering holes we’re known to frequent.

Your Grandfather,
Buck